Weddings and Secondhand Lions

I had forgotten how much I loved this movie. My roommate, Emily had it in her stash and I got excited when I saw it. Robert Duvall and Michael Caine are bamfs. I think so at least. Such a cute movie. :)

I had Chrystal and Daniel's wedding this weekend. Since I was a bridesmaid and Parker a groomsman, we had to be there a day early for rehearsals. It was so much work and a lot of sleep lost but it was by far the best wedding I've ever been to or been a part of. It all came together so nicely, and it was just so relaxed. Which is unlike wedding planning, it's easy to get stressed out but this was just wonderful. Not to mention I was a BASKET CASE. I cried more times in that wedding than I ever have in a wedding. Of course, Daniel and Chrystal are some of our best friends so it was a sweet moment for them. :) I have pictures on facebook!

It really made me excited about planning my own wedding. I'm finally starting to gather some ideas together. Parker called Rich Shadden, a friend of ours who graduated with Parker who is now in seminary, and asked him to do our wedding ceremony. Rich said he would be thrilled and honored to. It made me SO happy! We knew we wanted Rich to do our wedding ceremony since we got engaged and I'm so glad it's going to work out. He's a good friend and an amazing wonderful future pastor. He's also got a great sense of humor and makes things fun. We're looking at colors right now. We're thinking brown and teal but I'm just going to have to wander around looking at different combinations.

I can't emphasize how satisfied I am with my new living quarters this semester. I moved off campus into a duplex (well it's really across the street from campus, very close) with my two friends Emily and Jackie. Jackie's in Mexico doing travel study till August so it's just been me and Emily. She's a wonderful roommate. The past couple of nights we've watched movies together and talked about marriage, life, love, God and so many other things. It's so refreshing having a good healthy relationship with roommates. Every roommate I've had in college have either been too involved in my life (close friends relatively) or extremely distant (never talk, hang out, etc.) When I was in Acadia, I lived with three girls and it was the best living quarters experience. We bonded and got along so well. I've never been able to just connect that way with girls I've never met. I'm starting to feel that living here, at the Pot. Maybe not on the same levels but it's definitely getting there. :)

I really need to study. Astronomy is OWNING me right now.

Why I love Dr. Lionel Crews

I have Lionel Crews in the mornings for Astronomy 202 before I go to work in the afternoons. It's a great class but challenging at times. However, he's a fun professor to listen to when he lectures. We recently got back our quiz that we took last week. One of the questions read:

We can use Wein's Law to estimate the surface temperature of starts because stellar spectra are very similar to__________.

My answer:

The Knights Who Say Ni! (Sorry, I thought maybe if I didn't know the answer I could at least make you laugh.)

He drew a smiley face next to my answer with his red pen, and counted it right.

That is why I love Lionel Crews. :)

To be orderly, or not to be orderly?

I've realized something today. I am not an orderly person.

This was so hard for me to come to terms with... If anyone asked me if I was an organizer, I would say yes. I like to have things in order and I like to be able to follow a schedule. I've realized while I was in Maine... I am NOT that kind of person. It's something that I've always strived to do, but I'm not naturally that way. I know the importance of structure and often crave it in certain situations. No matter how hard I try, I can not follow a complete written, thought out routine. This infuriated me, I was so upset because I can't follow a structure and an organized life.

The first thing I noticed this was whenever we had to do an outreach program one weekend for some projectors in Boston while I was in Maine on project. I was paired up with my two friends from my activity group. At the beginning, while we were trying to put together our program, it was going smoothly. And then I realized that I kept butting heads with my other partner. She was the orderly type person. For example, one day we had a tiring day full of meetings and the rest of the week to write the program. I wanted to go back to my cabin and rest for the rest of the day, but she INSISTED that we get it done that day on that hour. And while we were working on it, she would say "We have to write down everything we're gonna say, everything we are gonna do, every question we are gonna ask. We need to have it written down in an outline and go over it THOROUGHLY." I remember thinking that it was so hard for me to do that. We didn't go by the program word for word that weekend like she had wanted us to. Not because we were being rebellious, just because that's how it fell into place.

She ended up confronting me about it. She talked about how she felt like I wasn't taking it seriously and that she wished that I could have been more organized with my planning. It floored me. Because in my opinion, that was the most orderly I've ever been with something. It hurt my feelings a lot when she told me that. I really felt like I worked hard on it, and just because I would crack a joke in between working on the program, didn't mean I wasn't taking it seriously. The more we discussed this with each other the more understanding we became with one another and how much different we are.

I'm not orderly. Ugh. I say it again, I'm not orderly.

But.... is this really a BAD thing?

I enjoy structure, and I enjoy having something laid out in front of me to follow. But in honesty, where's the fun in constantly following a script? The reason why I became upset and the realization of not being an organized person, is because I saw being organized as being good and everything else bad. But being organized has it's falls as well. Often times, you can be so organized that it makes you OCD, it can make you not work well with others, it can make you develop a desire for control. And even though being unorganized is sometimes a bad thing, there are some good things about it. It can make you become more open to different ideas, it can make you able to work with different types of people (for the most part)..

So here's my new goal. Not to strive to be 100% organized, but to strive for a balance. A balance of organization and spontaneousness. Though I like to have a laid out plan, I love watching things fall into place themselves how the Lord intends for them to go. To me, those are the best results, when you just lay back and let life take you wherever you may go.

I want it to be over... or in my case, to start.

I'm really unhappy with my summer schedule. I can't find any motivation for my 2 classes I'm taking, work is drainful, and I can't find enough time to spend with my friends or fiance like I want. I'm ready for the fall semester to start and for people to get back to Martin.

Cause right now, I'm feeling lonely.
(sorry for the emo-ness. If it hadn't happened yet, it was going to eventually :P)

Take time to realize.

So. A bunch has happened since my last update, so this will be rather a lengthy blog.

To start it off, I'm engaged!!! Yeah it was a total surprise. It happened June 28th when I flew back into the airport in Nashville from Maine. He was there to pick me up. I wrote a good little story about it on our wedding website. I'll just copy and paste it:

"For the whole month of June I was gone to Maine for a Campus Crusade Summer Project. Parker and I were apart for 4 weeks, the longest we had ever been apart! So you can imagine how much I missed him! I flew back into Nashville and Parker was picking me up at the airport. I walked down the stairs to where my baggage claim was and there he was!! I was sooo excited to see him! I walked over and gave him a hug and kiss telling him I missed him and then I realized he had a LifeWay bag in his hand. I asked him what it was, thinking he just might have gone shopping while I was still on the plane to kill some time. He just said he had gotten me a little something extra for my birthday (my 21st birthday was a week before this). I would have asked more questions, but I was wanting to get my bags and get out of the airport as soon as I could. So I got my bags, filled up my Nalgene, and then we walked on over to the car. We were packing up the car and the whole time I was jabbering on about how great my experience in Maine was and all the funny stories that happened while I was gone. He then asked if I wanted my present. I reached in the bag and pulled out a new Couples Devotion Bible with my name on it. Only thing is, it had his last name on it besides mine. I looked puzzled and asked him what that meant and he was already on one knee with the ring in his hand asking me to marry him. I was soooo shock adn surprised and overwhelmed I couldn't look at him at first! Finally after getting up enough courage to look at him in the eyes, I of course told him yes! We drove back to the house and he talked about how he had planned everything the month I was gone, including buying the ring, getting the Bible and even talking to my parents before he asked me. It was perfect. :) Such a great ending to an amazing summer!"

And here's the famous ring shot. (note, yes I know my diamond looks blue, it's just the light. :))

I'm incredibly excited about getting married. There have been moments where I'll go to bed at night and say to myself "Do I REALLY want to get married now?" It's a shocking thing. But a good shocking thing. It's just freaky realizing that something you had dreamed about your whole life is about to come true. We haven't set an actual date yet, but we are hoping for June 6th of next year. So I'll have to be taking my time with planning, due to my busy busy upcoming seniro year. It'll be a blasty!

My trip to Maine......

Ah, Maine. It was the single most amazing thing I had ever experienced. I can still remember the morning I awoke in the Hampton Inn hotel in Nashville, packing my bags to go to the airport at 4:00 am (my flight left at 6:00 am). I teared up as Parker left me at security, not just because I was gonna miss him but because I was really nervous about leaving for Maine. I had no idea what to expect, even after talking to my friend Ashley (who was coming back this summer as a student staff) I was still anxious and nervous about meeting new people and doing different things and being away for a month. The Lord blessed me with Molly on my arrival day of flying between my flights to Bangor. Molly lived in Pennsylvania and we both learned that we were on the same flight to Acadia. We were both nervous and had the same fears and it was a blessing to be with someone to go through the baggage claim and security who shared the same fears as you. She was the best person God could have put in my path that day, we had a lot in common with each other and shared a lot of similar interests. To this day, after project, we still remain good close friends. I wouldn't trade her for the world.

I remember when Molly and I finally made our way into Bay Meadows Cottage (where we would stay the summer with the rest of the students) we were hoping we were going to be roommates in the same cabin. We learned after registration that they put us into different cabins. I was really dissapointed as I rolled my luggage to Cabin 18, my home for the next 4 weeks. I was welcomed with giant smiles into my cabin by Ashley, Shelby and Sarah, my roommates. God seriously could not have paired me with a better set of 3 girls to live with. We all bonded and connected in a way I never had with any other roommates. We cooked together, laughed SO much with each other, prayed together, cried together, took walks together, talked about our faith, our hopes and dreams, our fears and shared our struggles. I remember just within living a week together we already felt like the closest friends. Since we've been back from Maine, we've talked and still kept in touch and plan on taking a few trips to visit each other. I love them all sooo much!!!

I learned so much that month in Maine about myself, my flaws and my strengths and how I can use the two together to make a better Mallorey. I learned how important it is to have close relationships, no matter what kind of personality you have. I also learned the importance of grace and truth in your relationships and also in your lifestyle and how they both have to be balanced in order to be healthy and to enable you to grow. I learned also the importance of taking responsibilty for my feeligs, thoughts, actions and to have boundaries in my life. We were able to connect all these ideas back to the Bible and what God's Word says about it. I was challenged by the material we were learning from our directors and even more challenged by our outdoor activities. I have so many stories with each of them, but I can't tell them all in one blog. I seriously didn't think I had the strength to bike 17 miles in one day, kayak all day long in the wavy blistery ocean, or rock climb up a 4 story cliff but I accomplished them all. I realized I had so much more strength in me than I gave myself credit for. I now have a lot of new loves in my life: like rock climbing!! I fell in LOVE with it! I had so much fun. It was the scariest thing I've ever done... but so worthwhile.

Not to mention, Maine was absolutley gorgeous. I took a whole lot of pictures that I plan to upload on flickr soon. I want to go back again, it is now my second home and always will be.

I remember so much, the last night we were together on project, I cried myself to sleep, because I was so upset about leaving. I got so close and had bonded to everyone so much, they became my family and I was developing that feeling of being "at home" with them. I haven't felt that way about many of my friends at home, just a select few. My heart was broken when I drove away from Bay Meadows. I had shared so much with them and they had shared so much with me in return, I felt as though they had a part of me when I left, and I still feel like they do. But it makes me happy, because that's what connects us all together. I know that I will still keep in touch with these people and that we will all be friends for life. I pray that God will somewhere sometime bring us back together, if it's in His will. (there's a picture of me and my activity group, we were all really close. I miss them so much.)

Now I'm back in Martin, TN taking summer classes with a wedding to plan. :) So much going on!!! It's gonna be a good year.

I'm in love.

With Dave Matthews Band.

I've liked them for years now, but I just recently got on a "kick" with them. It all began whenever I would spend weekends in the painting studio this past semester working on my printmaking projects and my friend Tyler (who is the biggest DMB lover of them all) would bring all of their CDs to play in the background as we worked. I fell in love with the atmosphere I was put in to the sound of their music. I'm hooked now, I should say. I bought their Live at Central Park CD which is FABULOUS if I say so myself. I love the fact that they are considered rock but they will whip out the violins and saxophones to make it sound jazzy. There are long music breaks which I love. The older I get the more I am drawn to the music of something than the lyrics. However, the lyrics are just as important. Everyone hates sucky lyrics. And the lyrics of their songs are so artistic. My favorite songs right now are "Jimi Thing", "Ants Marching", "Rapunzel", and "Grave Digger". "Grave Digger" is very eerie, unlike anything I would listen to but it captures me. If you're up for listening to something good and different than what you normally listen to, pick up the Dave.

Oh my goodness... Have I told you lately that God is good? Because God is soooooo good. I've been discouraged the past 2 and a half weeks because of my support raising for Acadia. I wasn't raising as much as I needed and my predictions of what people would donate to me where higher than what they were really giving me. Not to be a snob and not appreciate what they gave me already, I'm very grateful. When I came home for the summer I had $1,100 raised. It costs $2580 to go to Acadia. As of now, I'm at $2,200. You know how GREAT this is?! I began to pray and that God would show me that all things are possible if I believed in him. And I really started to. I just had a feeling that all my needs would be provided for and they already are starting to be! Support raising has taught me so much about faith and how important it is to act on believing without knowing or seeing. It's like you are walking in the dark. It's a scary thing and you have no idea whats gonna happen or where you are going to end up in it. But it taught me how to fully rely on God even though I was blinded at what might come into the future. I now can go back to school and tell my friends that I saw God work in my life in a way I've never seen before. And it's really amazing..

I leave for Maine this upcoming Saturday at 6am. Continue to pray for safety and for goodness sakes GOOD WEATHER! It's supposed to rain in Bangor when I fly in. I'm praying against it!

Hair salons, karaoke nights and Hans Zimmer

Hans Zimmer has my heart. Seriously. I've fallen in love with his instrumentals. Not just his, but instrumentals in general. I've always enjoyed instrumentals but lately I've just been ADDICTED to them, it's all I want to listen to. I downloaded The Holiday soundtrack. Amazing. Simply amazing. Have you ever listened to a song and you can't really just get the whole effect of the music because you were concentrating on the words so much? In a lot of songs, the words and lyrics are what makes the song beautiful, but what about the music? I also downloaded the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. It's seriously FLAWLESS. I can't wait to listen to it while I am in the painting or drawing studio at school. To be able to just focus on the rhythms, patterns, sounds and movement of the music of a song is just riveting. I'm loving it. I can't believe I've gone this long without it.

I've had some interesting events happen since I've come home for the three weeks of summer I have. My sister is a huge karaoke singer. Wherever she hears the word "karaoke" she's there in a heartbeat. She took me to this place in Manchester called Coconut Bay where they have karaoke every Wednesday night. Of course, people there drink and sing obnoxiously whenever they're under the influence. I couldn't help but sit back there and laugh at so many of the people. I found them just amusing. Not to mention their singing was HILARIOUS. It was a moment where I wish Erica was there with me. She would have made my night. You just don't understand. My sister sang 5 karaoke songs. But she's actually a good singer. All I know is I kept having flashbacks from the move My Best Friend's Wedding where Cameron Diaz sings karaoke to her fiance (horrid singing might I add.) But in the movie it was precious, because it was something she was doing out of her comfort zone to show how much she loved her future husband. Sadly to say however....... that was not the case at Coconut Bay. None of it was precious.... just hilarious. I've got videos. Oh have I got videos, hahahahahaha.

This week I am going to work at my sister's hair shop, answering her phones and making appointments for her. It helps her out a lot when she is busy and I'm able to spend time with her. You really get the feeling of being in a small town whenever you go to her shop. I feel like I'm in a scene of Steel Magnolias everytime I'm in there. I see people I haven't seen since high school and it's refreshing. And then I do our daily coffee run where I walk down the square and say hi to almost everyone who passes me. You can't find community like that in very big cities. Or maybe you can, it's just not as personal. I know I always talk a lot of hype about living in somewhere like New York, but the truth is I am very proud to have been raised in the south, small town even. I'm happy about where I've grown up at and where I've learned my important life lessons. I wish that everyone felt that same way.

Finding my way back.

For the past year and a half, I've had artists block. There's is nothing worse than an artist to have artists block, the same as a writer has writers block. It's probably the most frustrating thing I can go through. When I paint or draw, or create something, I'm not just doing something as a hobby, I'm doing what I was created to do. God gave me this gift when He didn't have to. He could have given me a natural talent of anything else, like singing, encouragement, anything else. But He gave me the gift of art. Why that is, I'll really never know. But it's also more than that, it's a way for me to live. When I make art, I'm not just doing something I'm enjoying, but I'm living.

This past semester has been wonderful to me as far as my art goes. I signed up for printmaking and I wasn't really looking forward to the class. The whole subject just didn't thrill me, it wasn't my preferred medium. If I had it my way, I would take a Stout drawing class every day for the rest of my life. I learn so much in his class and I always like my work. But the more and more I go to printmaking, I've become so fond to the community in the class that I get. We have maybe ten people in there which is perfect class size for a studio class like that. And the students in there have become some of my best friends. I learn so much from each of them even though there are many different varieties of backgrounds they have. Some are from big cities, some are from other states, some are good ole country folk as some would say. Our personalities are all very different but they feed off of each other. We build each other up and we express thoughts and ideas with one another. Not just about our artwork, but about the world in general. We talk about the great things in life, like spirituality, family, friendship, love, as cliche as it all sounds it's really true. I never thought that I would find this in a classroom.

Just the other day, I invited 3 of them to eat lunch with me in the caf. I became captured by the way we interact with one another. We connect, we understand each other. It was a great lunch. I laughed as much as I don't know what, and they each just lit up my face with endless smiles.

I realized the other day, that my artists block was completely gone. And it's not really all because of the people in my printmaking class, but it's because of the inspiration they give me. I find that people are my biggest inspiration. Friendships, relationships, interaction between humans, I love how we are all relational beings and that we have to have relationships with each other in order to live the lives were were meant for. Usually in my art classes, I felt unrecognized, and very intimidated. I question the quality of my abilities all the time, but this semester I've found myself at ease at these thoughts. It's always good to be the best, and to become competitive to make yourself better. But what happens afterwards? After you win your first place prize, what do you gain at the end of the day? Pride in the work you have done, I am sure. But why can't we get that even if we don't become the "best"? Why can't we all be content at what we have right now. Competition drives me, it drives us all. This I understand. But I also understand the idea of happiness from going to bed at night knowing that you did what you it is you were created and meant to do.

It felt as if I was gone from something for a long time... and now I'm back.

Pleasing God.

I was in my history class this morning, not wanting in the slightest to pay attention to what happened to Thomas Jefferson. I took out my Bible and began reading it. I stumbled upon this verse:

2 Corinthians 5:9
Our goal is to please God, whether it be here or there.

Not sure what it was, this just smacked me across the face in realization. This past week when I was at Beach Reach, I can not tell you the constant discouragement I had on me. Every night when we would come back from out night ministries, I was so down. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere with the people down there, I felt like I was doing a terrible job in sharing the Gospel with them, I just felt like it was a mistake for me to go down there again. And this verse just answered that feeling of discouragement. It made me realize that..... God doesn't look at me depending on the number of people I lead to Christ, he doesn't look at me depending on how I share His Word, just as long as I love him enough to want to share it. I know now in my heart that it was pleasing to Him to see me get out of my comfort zone and talk to people I wouldn't normally talk to, to pray for people I didn't normally care about, to talk about His love for them even though I didn't have the pretty words to do it. And in doing that, I know I acheived my goal: my main reason for going there in the first place, which is to please Him.

This gives me such peace to know that even though I became critical of myself during that week, the Lord was pleased in the process. How thankful I am.

On another note, I looked at the schedule for next summer and fall semester. I'm not going to have a life... at ALL next semester. Just a warning. I have some important decisions to make. I'll wait till Wednesday to make them.

Some relief.

I've been in a battle for the past semester at my school, and I need to get this off my chest.

I started praying again: I mean really truly genuine praying. For a long time I feared that my prayer life was empty, that I was speaking to God but there was no deep feeling or meaning behind the words I was speaking. I felt like there was no love coming from my part. After a few weeks of realizing this, I fixed the problem. I repented of everything I needed repenting of and then I went on with my life.

I feel like God isn't answering my prayers. I can't really say that last sentence because reall deep deep down I KNOW that He is answering them, just maybe not the way I want them to. But still... even in those moments, whether it is answered the way I want or not, I always can SEE it being answered in some way. But not lately.... Here's an example.

This past spring break week, I served in Panama City Beach for Beach Reach. I did it the last year and just loved it so much, God taught me so much that week. I was so excited about going this year. As soon as we got down there, so many bad things happened. One of the girls had dropped a kidney stone, so she was sick the entire week. One of the other girls was getting on everyone's last nerves because she was always saying something rude to everyone. In the midst of all this, complaining began. I've had my share of complaints this year, but to be honest, I'm not much of a complainer. So as I was surrounded by all this mess this past week, this complaining, negativity, even gossip in some areas.. I prayed so hard and rebuked it all. I told myself I was not going to let any of it hinder my reasons for coming. I got on my knees and prayed more than I had ever prayed in one week. I prayed for strength, peace, anything I could that would deliver me from the evil spirits that were going on in the girl's cabin. I prayed that we would all grow close and not apart, that we would speak life into us and not death, that we would be positive and not negative.

And guess what. Nothing got better. It got worse and worse until we finally came back home. It was probably the hardest week I have gone through, spritually at least. I felt like I was being brought down so bad. I prayed for strength from God and I ended up giving into everything and joining in on the complaining and negativity, even though I rebuked it as I did it. I did everything I could think of. I memorized verses against it, I talked to the girls and told them that their complaining is not only hard on me but for everyone else. Nothing changed.

It's so frustrating to me. It's been like this ALL year.... this feeling of praying my heart out for something and not seeing anything change. I've been struggling so much with it. Finally on the last night of my trip, in the prayer room, I broke down and cried. I didn't just cry but I just could feel my heart breaking. I was disspointed in myself and my relationship with God.

Nevertheless, my faith in Him just grows more and more every day. I've been hurting lately, yes, but I am learning to lean on Him each day. He's gotten me through so many bad times in my life, I know this time won't be much different. Every moment I feel like I am being let down, I believe He is going to bring me up just that much more. Afterall, that's what faith is, isn't it? Believing when you see Him at work, and at the times when you don't.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
- Hebrews 11:1 (niv)

hola amigos.

I'm a big blogger. Don't ask why. I've always been the kind of person who has words and phrases bouncing around in her head that I need to let free somehow. I've tried journaling, however, I have to many of them to make this other one be successful. Thus, I turn to blogger. :) I still have my myspace and junk but hey who doesn't.

I'm excited to start something new, something clean, even if it's as simple as a silly online blog. I love making refreshing changes.. most of the time.

I'll be talking a lot about Jesus and my Lord. He's such a huge part of my life, and I want to be in a place where I can write about the things that he is teaching me each and every single day. I want to feel close to him again like I was this past summer. I have a lot on my plate going on this year and I'm anxious to see what He will make out of it.

Toodles.