To be orderly, or not to be orderly?

I've realized something today. I am not an orderly person.

This was so hard for me to come to terms with... If anyone asked me if I was an organizer, I would say yes. I like to have things in order and I like to be able to follow a schedule. I've realized while I was in Maine... I am NOT that kind of person. It's something that I've always strived to do, but I'm not naturally that way. I know the importance of structure and often crave it in certain situations. No matter how hard I try, I can not follow a complete written, thought out routine. This infuriated me, I was so upset because I can't follow a structure and an organized life.

The first thing I noticed this was whenever we had to do an outreach program one weekend for some projectors in Boston while I was in Maine on project. I was paired up with my two friends from my activity group. At the beginning, while we were trying to put together our program, it was going smoothly. And then I realized that I kept butting heads with my other partner. She was the orderly type person. For example, one day we had a tiring day full of meetings and the rest of the week to write the program. I wanted to go back to my cabin and rest for the rest of the day, but she INSISTED that we get it done that day on that hour. And while we were working on it, she would say "We have to write down everything we're gonna say, everything we are gonna do, every question we are gonna ask. We need to have it written down in an outline and go over it THOROUGHLY." I remember thinking that it was so hard for me to do that. We didn't go by the program word for word that weekend like she had wanted us to. Not because we were being rebellious, just because that's how it fell into place.

She ended up confronting me about it. She talked about how she felt like I wasn't taking it seriously and that she wished that I could have been more organized with my planning. It floored me. Because in my opinion, that was the most orderly I've ever been with something. It hurt my feelings a lot when she told me that. I really felt like I worked hard on it, and just because I would crack a joke in between working on the program, didn't mean I wasn't taking it seriously. The more we discussed this with each other the more understanding we became with one another and how much different we are.

I'm not orderly. Ugh. I say it again, I'm not orderly.

But.... is this really a BAD thing?

I enjoy structure, and I enjoy having something laid out in front of me to follow. But in honesty, where's the fun in constantly following a script? The reason why I became upset and the realization of not being an organized person, is because I saw being organized as being good and everything else bad. But being organized has it's falls as well. Often times, you can be so organized that it makes you OCD, it can make you not work well with others, it can make you develop a desire for control. And even though being unorganized is sometimes a bad thing, there are some good things about it. It can make you become more open to different ideas, it can make you able to work with different types of people (for the most part)..

So here's my new goal. Not to strive to be 100% organized, but to strive for a balance. A balance of organization and spontaneousness. Though I like to have a laid out plan, I love watching things fall into place themselves how the Lord intends for them to go. To me, those are the best results, when you just lay back and let life take you wherever you may go.