Finding my way back.

For the past year and a half, I've had artists block. There's is nothing worse than an artist to have artists block, the same as a writer has writers block. It's probably the most frustrating thing I can go through. When I paint or draw, or create something, I'm not just doing something as a hobby, I'm doing what I was created to do. God gave me this gift when He didn't have to. He could have given me a natural talent of anything else, like singing, encouragement, anything else. But He gave me the gift of art. Why that is, I'll really never know. But it's also more than that, it's a way for me to live. When I make art, I'm not just doing something I'm enjoying, but I'm living.

This past semester has been wonderful to me as far as my art goes. I signed up for printmaking and I wasn't really looking forward to the class. The whole subject just didn't thrill me, it wasn't my preferred medium. If I had it my way, I would take a Stout drawing class every day for the rest of my life. I learn so much in his class and I always like my work. But the more and more I go to printmaking, I've become so fond to the community in the class that I get. We have maybe ten people in there which is perfect class size for a studio class like that. And the students in there have become some of my best friends. I learn so much from each of them even though there are many different varieties of backgrounds they have. Some are from big cities, some are from other states, some are good ole country folk as some would say. Our personalities are all very different but they feed off of each other. We build each other up and we express thoughts and ideas with one another. Not just about our artwork, but about the world in general. We talk about the great things in life, like spirituality, family, friendship, love, as cliche as it all sounds it's really true. I never thought that I would find this in a classroom.

Just the other day, I invited 3 of them to eat lunch with me in the caf. I became captured by the way we interact with one another. We connect, we understand each other. It was a great lunch. I laughed as much as I don't know what, and they each just lit up my face with endless smiles.

I realized the other day, that my artists block was completely gone. And it's not really all because of the people in my printmaking class, but it's because of the inspiration they give me. I find that people are my biggest inspiration. Friendships, relationships, interaction between humans, I love how we are all relational beings and that we have to have relationships with each other in order to live the lives were were meant for. Usually in my art classes, I felt unrecognized, and very intimidated. I question the quality of my abilities all the time, but this semester I've found myself at ease at these thoughts. It's always good to be the best, and to become competitive to make yourself better. But what happens afterwards? After you win your first place prize, what do you gain at the end of the day? Pride in the work you have done, I am sure. But why can't we get that even if we don't become the "best"? Why can't we all be content at what we have right now. Competition drives me, it drives us all. This I understand. But I also understand the idea of happiness from going to bed at night knowing that you did what you it is you were created and meant to do.

It felt as if I was gone from something for a long time... and now I'm back.